we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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