Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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