On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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