oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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