Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
