I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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