It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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