Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this just has baby written all over it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
