Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
