I don't think brook has ever known best
Too much gin, very little bucket
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
