i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
