So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
