he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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