i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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