how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
