Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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