rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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