Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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