I just made out with a guy for $7.
love makes seman taste better
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
