Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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