I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
