i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
its not stalking. its research.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
