I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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