Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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