So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
