i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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