Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
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I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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