WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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