Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
