Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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