my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
