wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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