apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
