Sry I called you an 8
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
