What did we do last night that was yellow?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
