oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
