im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
