The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
