xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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