you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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