I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Naked. naked and bneed help.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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