direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You're like the curious george of whores
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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