Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
