I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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