Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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