I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
