i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
