don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
