We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
