I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
