I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
