All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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