Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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