I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
