i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
