mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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