I wish my penis had an off switch
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
