we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
