no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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