Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
