you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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