I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
