dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
