do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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