i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
