I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
