i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.