no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.