Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.

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(845): View more from New York

would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?

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(425): View more from Washington

I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(231): View more from Michigan

Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.

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(954): View more from Florida

direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"

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(802): View more from Vermont

I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex

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(407): View more from Florida

I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.

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