I need help removing her.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities