You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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