What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone