you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial