FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"