He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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