my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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